Are parents today spoiling their kids? There seems to be a
never-ending discussion today about the entitlement syndrome, spoiled kids, and
inflated self-esteem. Concern for younger generations has increased because
narcissistic behavior has become far too common. In some cases, parents believe
their generation is the most spoiled yet, and they want the tide to change with
their children. Rather than continuing the discussion about everything that’s
wrong with young people and all the ways parents develop attitudes of
entitlement, here is a positive approach to the topic. Consider these five
traits that we should admire. Parents can approach these as traits to instill
in their children, and kids can approach them as virtues to value and develop.
1. Earn something by
working hard to get it. Don’t expect everything to be given to you, and
don’t give to children who refuse to earn anything. In the real world, we get
what we earn because the handouts eventually run out. We perform a disservice
to our children when we cultivate a belief that everything is free. In
addition, we rob children of the satisfying joy one feels when they acquire
something from hard work. Feelings of entitlement makes one feel unimportant and
incapable when the handouts cease. Acquiring the virtue of a hard work ethic
not only complies with a biblical command (2 Thess. 3:10), it also strengthens
one psychologically.
2. Contribute to the
family. Everyone needs to pitch in and help in some way. While it may be
the parent’s duty to pay the bills and cook the meals, no one should get a free
ride. This is not to suggest that children should be required to pay their
parents for room and board, but it is suggesting that children should
contribute to make the family function. This begins as soon as children are old
enough to pick up their toys, and it continues when they are able to help rake
the yard or drive to the store and pick up a gallon of milk. Narcissists don’t
contribute; they mooch. We don’t have to worry about kids becoming
self-centered if they grow up contributing to the team.
3. Donate your time
to help others. We all love our free time, our hobbies, and our
entertainment. If we are not careful, our homes could become houses of self-centered
occupants who rarely operate beyond self-gratifying behavior. Everyone should
be a giving person, but it’s critical to remember that we are not truly giving
people if we give without sacrifice. Learning this personal discipline begins
with donating one’s time. Helping your kids become involved in ministry or
charity work is honorable, but giving time should begin at home. Children
should help mom and dad, siblings, and friends. Watch for warning signs such as
inflexibility or a refusal to be inconvenienced in any way. Children need to
learn that their time has not been given to them solely for their
self-appointed enjoyment. Christians surrender their time to God to be spent as
servants of Christ. Our kids need to learn this early.
4. Solve problems yourself.
Kids don’t need to be bailed out every time; they need to learn to work out
problems on their own. We need our kids to grow strong, not dependent. If we
don’t permit our children take the knowledge we have taught them, apply it to
their own problems, and work out a solution themselves, how can we expect them
to function independently when they are adults? It’s not always easy to back
off, but it’s productive. When you must intervene because the problem exceeds
your child’s ability, intervene only as little as possible. Stay on the
sidelines and coach as much as you can, but let the kids play the game. Wise
parents teach problem-solving skills rather than solve all the problems
themselves.
5. Be content when
you don’t get everything you want. To not have it your way, right away,
almost seems un-American. But it’s reality. Children need to learn contentment
or they will never experience happiness as adults. They need to learn to be
content even when the answer is “no.” That is a lesson they will never learn if
they never hear “no.” When deciding whether to answer “yes” or “no,” consider
their health, that is, their spiritual and emotional health. Are they acquiring
an attitude of discontentment? Are they struggling to enjoy life that cannot be
customized according to their every individual preference? This doesn’t reflect
an emotionally strong kid. Perhaps they need to be given some time to adjust to
reality, learning how to enjoy life when they don’t get everything they want.
Let’s take a positive
approach to parenting and childhood. Rather than worrying over the many
possible negative outcomes that we dread, take more thought about how to
proactively initiate traits that will develop character. Acquire a hard work
ethic, contribute to the team, make sacrifices, develop problem-solving skills,
and learn to be content. Children with these traits are much more likely to
grow into emotionally strong, healthy adults who are equipped to face all of
life’s spiritual battles.
