What’s
the problem with just ignoring misbehavior? Sometimes we just don’t feel like
dealing with problems. Perhaps, we’ve been battling problems all day, and the
last thing we feel like doing is disciplining our child for their misbehavior. All
of a sudden, we consider mountains to be molehills and molehills to be
non-existent. It’s often been said, “Parenting isn’t for cowards.” We have to
get over our mood and resist temptations to take the easy way out.
Consequently, the outcome will always be worth the effort. It’s a type of
delayed reward. Remember the folly of David’s family after he failed to
confront sin? He failed to confront his son Amnon about raping his sister
Tamar. What was the outcome? Two years later, David’s son Absalom murdered
Amnon out of revenge for his sister. How did David respond to that crime? He
never confronted Absalom about the murder. The bitterness grew over the years,
and David’s son eventually tried to rob his throne.
Two big
problems arise when we “look the other way” and fail to correct our children.
First, we fail to teach proper habits. Remember that we are helping our kids
build habits for the rest of their life, whether they’re good or bad. Proverbs
22:6 alludes to parents’ responsibility to help children build habits that will
benefit them for a lifetime. Secondly, allowing children to escape correction
gives them a false sense of God’s judgment of sin and natural consequences.
Sinful behavior has its own natural consequences – poverty, broken families,
depression, even death. This does not even touch the judgment of God on those
who fail to accept Christ. We don’t want to indirectly teach our children that
bad actions have no consequences. Our society has far too many young adults
learning these lessons the hard way.
Let’s
come to grips with the source of this problem. It’s parental selfishness. When
we fail to correct, we are more interested in our personal comfort than our
child’s well being. That’s hard to swallow. No parent wants to admit that their
child’s well- being has taken a back seat. But it’s true when we become
passive. Confrontation can be exasperating, and at times, we don’t feel like
dealing with it. But understanding the consequences of passiveness will help us
get beyond our mood and address misbehavior.
There’s
no doubt that some problems are bigger than others. Not all cases require the
same level of correction. First, we must determine if it’s a mountain or a
molehill. Confusing the two can make a problem worse. If you treat a mountain
like a molehill, it fosters unrestrained behavior and disrespect for authority.
If you treat a molehill like a mountain, it could fuel resentment and distrust.
Molehills still need to be addressed, but with discretion. Next, determine if
the situation calls for discipline or teaching. If the behavior involves
disobedience, only discipline will prevent it from happening again. Proverbs
29:15 advises, “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to
shame.” I can only imagine the painful memories Solomon recalled as he was
divinely inspired to teach that proverb.
Problems
don’t go away on their own; they go into hibernation. You may not like how much
they’ve grown when you see them awake.
